Skip to Content
coronavirus in oklahoma

Kevin Stitt announces plans to help increase spread of Coronavirus…

It looks like someone is craving some of the delicious food at The Collective!

Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt – the man who doesn't vaccinate all his kids – has consulted with his experts, advisors and the other yes-men in his cabinet and determined its time to open Oklahoma up for to business!

Yep, that's right. Even though social distancing measures have helped us kind of contain the virus, and Oklahoma still sucks at getting its residents tested, we've flattened the curve and it's time to get life – and good old-fashioned American capitalism – back to normal.

Via a Carmen Foreman article with The Oklahoman:

Following some guidelines from the White House, Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt outlined a vision Wednesday for reopening some shuttered businesses starting Friday.

Many other businesses previously deemed "nonessential" will be allowed to reopen on May 1 so long as they adhere to social distancing and sanitation recommendations.

The three-tiered approach to reopening businesses statewide aims to have Oklahoma back to business as usual by mid-June, so long as the state can manage the number of COVID-19 cases and hospitalizations.

“This is a careful and measured approach designed to protect our most vulnerable while safely easing most Oklahomans back to work," Stitt said at a news conference at the state Capitol.

The announcement was quickly panned by the Coronamania Shame police on social media, but you know what, I'm going to trust Kevin on this one. He's a kind, decent man and would obviously never prioritize corporate profits over the health and safety of our most vulnerable Oklahomans.

I wonder who he's going to put in charge of the re-open? It will obviously be someone with a background in public health and safety, right?

The governor formed a task force, led by State Chamber of Oklahoma President Chad Warmington, to help craft the "Open Up and Recover Safely" plan.

Well, it's official. The oil overlords have finally got to Kevin Stitt. It sure did take them long enough. In case you didn't know, Chad Warmington is the former head of the Petroleum Alliance of Oklahoma and Oklahoma Oil & Gas Association. It makes sense that Stitt put an oil and gas industry puppet in charge of leading the "Open Up and Recover Safely" plan, because nobody cares more about the health and safety of people than the oil industry lobbyists.

For some reason, the move pissed off Oklahoma doctors:

Listen doctors, I'm sure you mean well and everything, but you're just being cautious and overprotective like you always do. Just like with diet, exercise and quitting smoking, sometimes it's okay not to follow your orders. Not only is the virus being overblown by the liberal mainstream media, but Oklahoma's wind will keep us safe. Well, at least it will according to Oklahoma's favorite right wing, racist socialite.

In case you care, here's a sampling of some of the non-essential businesses that can open soon, while the Coronavirus still lurks and spreads in our community:

April 24, 2020, the following businesses can reopen:

Personal care businesses, such as hair salons, barbershops, spas, nail salons, and pet groomers can reopen for appointments only, must adhere to sanitation protocols, and follow guidelines posted on the Oklahoma Department of Commerce website regarding social distancing between customers and visitors at personal care businesses.

State parks and outdoor recreation should be reopened

Grocery stores should continue to maintain hours for vulnerable populations

May 1, 2020, the following businesses can reopen:

Dining, entertainment, movie theatres and sporting venues can operate using CDC recommended social distancing and sanitation protocols.

Gyms can reopen if they adhere to CDC-recommended social distancing and sanitation protocols.

Places of worship can reopen for in-person meetings or worship if they leave every other row or pew open and adhere to CDC-recommended social distancing and sanitation protocols, plus the recommended guidelines from the Oklahoma Department of Commerce.

Bars should remain closed.

Tattoo Parlors can reopen for appointments only and must adhere to sanitation protocols and social distancing protocols for distancing between customers and visitors.

That's good news. I've been itching for a dinner, movie and catch-a-deadly-virus date night. I'm glad our governor is, too.

Anyway, you can read more about our governor's stupid announcement and the reactions from business owners, government officials, and people smarter than our governor, over at The Oklahoman or Frontier.

Stay in touch

Sign up for our free newsletter