2:12 PM EDT on April 8, 2020
As we've pointed out a few times over the past month or so, Oklahoma Governor Kevin Stitt has made some questionable decisions when dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic.
Whether he was encouraging people to visit busy bars and restaurants on social media, taking his time to issue shelter in place orders, or simply trying to proselytize our state through the crisis, his actions and slow, not-so-serious response kind of makes you wonder what his predecessor Mary Fallin would do if she was still in charge.
Because I'm sick and demented human, I thought about that terrifying hypothetical scenario. This is what I came up with...
1. Issue a "Trailer in Place" order
She'd also temporarily restrict the practice of putting junked cars on cinder blocks.
2. Share a social media photo of family enjoying dinner at Cracker Barrel.
While Kevin Stitt prefers to spread Coronavirus at trendy food courts, something tells me Mary Fallin would hit up her neighborhood Cracker Barrel.
3. Encourage public to sanitize all viral videos with bleach.
Aint nobody got time for that!
4. Move all public school classrooms to the safety of hospitals
She'd also make sure all the greedy public school teachers check-in patients.
5. Secure 2,000 football facemasks from Academy for healthcare professionals
She'd also raid the supplies of local beekeepers.
6. Add hydroxychloroquine to the Governor's Mansion hot tub
This will be in addition to the 2/1 mix of alcohol and aloe vera gel.
7. Designate all cosmetic surgical procedures and therapies as highly-essential, non-elective medical procedures.
Her friends in the ruling class would love it!
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