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7 reasons women don’t need more representation in Oklahoma government

11:04 AM EDT on April 1, 2019

Last week, KFOR reported a story on the lack of diversity in the Oklahoma state government, specifically following the overt sexism reportedly faced by House Representative Kelly Albright. Albright, a freshman lawmaker, opened up about the struggles she faces in feeling respected in the predominantly male environment of the Oklahoma House. While KFOR begged the question of what could be done to make government more representative, I’m thinking it’s probably about time to pump the brakes on this whole, “gender equality” business. Here are 7 reasons women don’t need any more representation in Oklahoma government.

Women already have a house

Why are women so worried about their low representation in the Oklahoma House of Representatives? Women are already represented in their own house. Probably within the kitchen.


White guys haven’t done that poorly

I don’t understand the big fuss about having a legislature full of straight, white dudes. They’ve basically held nearly every position in state government for the last century and it’s been fine. Oklahoma is only the, 5th worst state for women, 7th worst state for racial and gender equality, and the 9th worst state for LGBTQIA+ families. It’s not like they’ve completely run the state into the ground. Unless you’re not a straight, white due, anyway.


Women don’t look like lawmakers

According to the KFOR article mentioned above, Representative Albright was once asked to leave the house floor because a sergeant on staff mistook her for a legislative assistant, apparently because she looked too young to be a representative. The same article also states that at another point a real legislative assistant, who is male and reportedly even younger than Albright, was mistaken to be the representative. So, I don’t think it’s the age that keeps her from being thought of as a lawmaker.


The sexual harassment problem is too big

We at TLO have written extensively about how our male Oklahoma lawmakers have allegedly engaged in a ridiculous amount of sexual assault, often times while serving in their elected position and usually at the expense of women. The track record of our lawmakers suggests that having women in the legislature only puts them at risk for being sexually assaulted. So, it would be better for everyone if women were just not in government.

Women are too emotional

If you get more women in government, there’s going be a lot more decisions based off of emotions rather than logic. And there’s no place for feelings in the chamber. It’s not like male lawmakers have ever done something stupid  like posting emotional Facebook rants when things didn’t go their way. But that’s probably something we’d expect from a woman.


Women already have jobs

Women are hosts to men’s spawn, which is the most important job of all. They shouldn’t let something like being voted into office get in the way of their God-given duty.


There is more than enough representation already

With 23 representatives and 9 senators, women take up 32 seats in the Oklahoma state government. That means women make up approximately 22% of the legislature. Which is more than enough representation for the ladies, since only 21% of the Oklahoma population is female.

Of course, this is satire, dammit. Follow Hayley on twitter @squirrellygeek

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