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OKC Spring Break Survival Guide

12:54 PM EDT on March 18, 2019

This week is Spring Break for most Oklahoma schools, colleges, and universities. That’s all fine and dandy for them, but for the vast majority of us, this week often serves as nothing more than a reminder of a bygone era of fun, carefree self-expression and the ability to function on precisely 47 minutes of sleep and a Red Bull.

Growing up sucks balls sometimes. Sure, we get pot and liquor but that is really just an escape from the soul-crushing mundanity that is our daily grind. This Spring Break we have a survival guide of sorts to get you through Spring Break as a goddamn, responsible adult.

1. Play Hide the Liquor 

If you are of a mind to daydrink anyway, use this week to construct ever-more impressive ways to hide your stash. Pinterest is shockingly full of ways to hide your liquor. From sunscreen bottles to loaves of bread, the Internet offers nearly endless possibility. But we firmly believe the market cannot possibly be tapped out. We know you have it in you. Spend this Spring Break inventing the latest greatest way to smuggle booze EVERYWHERE. (And put your best idea in the comments. There’s no prize or anything but I’m a mom of three and want to shamelessly pilfer your ideas...)


2. Get your Medical Marijuana card 

We’ve told you before how to go about getting your medical marijuana card.  If you’ve been procrastinating on this, no time like the ever-more depressing present to get crackin’. Or smokin’ as it were. There’s a little cash involved and a bit of time but it is definitely worth it. And this week it should be easier than anyway to select your qualifying medical condition. Can you have Seasonal Affective Disorder around Spring Break? We think yes.


3. Master recipes involving our state vegetable – the watermelon 

Yep. We picked a watermelon as our state vegetable. Well, we didn’t. This guy did.

Yeah, good ol Joe Dorman, the genius credited with naming a watermelon a fucking vegetable. He wasn’t alone. The 2007 legislative branch voted on the ridiculous bill in an overwhelming majority. It was designed to be a boost for our local agricultural industry and we already had a state fruit, the strawberry. Ok, scientifically, watermelon is a member of the gourd family and the line between fruit and vegetable has long been a source of vitriolic contention but come on. Of course, this is really old news but I was today years old when I found it was the damn vegetable and not the fruit. I'm bitter. Regardless of whether you agree with the veggie designation, this spring break is a fantastic time to brush up on those cooking skills and master a few Watermelon-based recipes. We recommend this Watermelon Salsa.


4. TLO Trivia & Bingo Nights

In a shameless plug of self-interest, join us for one our many Team Trivia and Bingo Nights across the city. We play Bingo on Monday at Fassler Hall and return there the next night for Trivia. You’ll find us at Cock o’ the Walk on Wednesday and Anchor Down on Thursday spitting trivia knowledge like The Fresh Prince of Bell Isle. We finish off our Spring Break week with Trivia at Buffalo Wild Wings on NW Expressway.



5. Totally Tower 80’s Flicks

Really revel in the nostalgia for your Spring Break of ole by heading to OKC’s own Tower Theatre, complete with its pretentious spelling. They are featuring some of the best 80’s flicks March 20th - 24th. Best here should be translated as titles of movies still available on Netflix thus still within the social consciousness enough to still gather a crowd. Not actual best as Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell’s masterpiece Overboard is conspicuously missing from the list.


What did we miss? Let us know in the comments!

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