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Fear and Loathing in Oklahoma: Bats are wreaking havoc on Wagoner construction project

11:21 AM EST on January 11, 2019


We were somewhere around Wagoner on the edge of  Snake Creek when the CBD vape pen began to take hold… Suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats… And a voice was screaming, “Holy Mary Fallin, what are these goddamn animals…” Then it was quiet again. Patrick had taken off his shirt and was pouring a beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process.

Okay, so maybe it isn’t quite the case that the contributors at TLO are on a savage journey into the heart of the American Dream. But what is true is that somewhere in Wagoner County, there is an infestation of what many people fear and loathe.


OKAY, Okla. – A project to rebuild 16 miles of Oklahoma Highway 16 between Okay and Wagoner is being delayed because of its possible effect on a population of endangered bats.

Who knew Oklahomans were living in the middle of bat country? Next thing they’re going to tell us is to stay away from the Cherokee Casino because it's full of nothing but waiters with vaguely reptilian casts to their features and crew cut cops. But surely a colony of bats can’t wreak that much havoc upon a construction project…

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service halted the project to study whether sediment from the job site is affecting water quality near a population of gray bats and reducing the number of insects that serve as the bats’ food supply, particularly in wetlands near the project.

Oklahoma Department of Transportation Engineer Chris Wallace tells the Muskogee Phoenix that the road project is about 60 percent complete and will take three to four more months to finish when it restarts.

So because their food supply is threatened by the project, construction will likely have to be shut down until the bats migrate. I’m not sure why the project managers aren’t taking matters into their own hands. You can get a 3 pack of flyswatters on Amazon for $6.

Hayley cosplays as Raoul Duke. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek

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