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How to spot outside agitators and paid protestors at the Capitol…

10:48 AM EDT on April 5, 2018

We knew this teacher's walkout felt a bit too genuine and inspirational.

Yesterday afternoon, State Rep John Enns confirmed what wacko authoritarian conspiracy theorists have long feared – paid protestors from the mean streets of Chicago have infiltrated the teacher's walkout. At least that's what he's "been told."

Well, it's official. Although he won't get into any helpful specifics, Lawmaker Gobber McGoo – the guy who wants to make it harder for voters to enact laws – "has been told" by someone he won't name there are paid protestors at the capitol. He actually has a point. Considering all the money lawmakers have earned from oil companies, and the legislative body's indifference to teachers and education funding, it is probably a fair statement to call Oklahoma lawmakers paid protestors... or so I've been told.

Following Enns dire warnings, the Oklahoma Department of Public Safety took time away from Governor Mansion massage chains and issued this statement regarding the invasion of educational protestors currently swarming the steps of the Capitol. Naturally, they released it at the end of the day so department staff wasn't able to answer any follow-up questions like "huh?" and WTF?"

DPS statement re: protest groups at Capitol

The Oklahoma Department of Public Safety has identified a growing number of outside protest groups, not involved with the ongoing teachers’ rally, present at the State Capitol. The situation is being closely monitored for the safety of educators, elected officials and others at the Capitol and the surrounding area.

In the past, some of these groups have been known to show violent behavior during non-violent rallies. There have been reports of threats made towards members of the Legislature and the Governor’s office.

The Department of Public Safety is consistently utilizing resources to identify and monitor these outside groups, investigate threats made, and to provide safety and security for all attendees