It’s hard to be the sexless jerk stuck in the middle of this dumb OU/OSU rivalry, especially when it comes to the holiday and buying team appropriate gifts for the college football fanatics in your family, most of whom never even attended the Goddamned institutes of higher learning.
Yet, there you are, trying to placate and pacify the entire clan as everyone is gathered around the television, finishing off the rest of the pumpkin pie, hurling expletives and flicking lit matches in your general direction.