As I'm sure you saw on your hormonal aunt's Facebook page, Blake Shelton – the focus group-friendly brand face of modern country music (a.k.a. trash) – recently joined Brad Pitt to become the second native Oklahoman named People's "Sexiest Man Alive."
Here's the cover:
I don't have problem with this. Although a barbed wire tattoo should probably disqualify any human from any sexy list, Blake is sexy in a truck nut type of way. Plus, People has magazines to sell and publicists and talents agencies to please. They might as well go with an A-list tabloid star for this annual publicity stunt.
That being said, I think there are lots and lots of Oklahoma men sexier than Blake Shelton. Here are 10 of them:
1. Joe Exotic Tiger Zoo Owner / Gubernatorial Candidate
Although he's never been featured in Tiger Beat, Joe Exotic – the Tiger King of Oklahoma and the rest of the world – is so sexy he has to give his customers free self-branded condoms just in case some man, woman or child wants to hear the roar of a tiger.
I think Sam is way too hard on himself. How about sexy lurch?
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4. Sam Presti Thunder General Manager
Sam Presti the NBA General Manager is a bit overrated. It's difficult to have "I traded James Harden" or "I never won an NBA championship with Kevin Durant on my roster" on your resume and be considered great. But Sam Presti the international sex symbol is underrated. He's one of the few people in the world sexy enough to pull off a polished, sophisticated look with a There's Something About Mary hairstyle.
Ask any pretty blonde campaign finance consultant to name the sexiest man at the capitol, and there's a good chance you'll hear the name Scott Inman. Well, that is until he officially resigns.
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7. Baker Mayfield Future Heisman Trophy Winner
Baker has all the things ladies and gay men look for in a sexy man – good looks, swagger, athleticism, confidence, and run-ins with the law. He's the complete package.
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8. BJ Wexler OETA Movie Club Host
Is there a sexier hairstyle than the old man perm-fro? I think not. You should see some of the lurid viewer mail BJ gets from the ladies at the Shady Gardens Retirement Community.
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9. Patrick Riley Blogger / Bar Trivia Host
Sorry ladies. This dapper silver fox (and albino clone of Papa Smurf) is taken.
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10. Paco Balderrama Hunky Policeman
Paco Balderrama has the distinction of being the first, and only, person to be featured in our very short-lived Hot Dude Monday feature.
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Anyway, that's just 10 examples of Oklahoma men who are sexier than Blake Shelton. If you have any suggestions, leave a comment.