As I'm sure you saw on your hormonal aunt's Facebook page, Blake Shelton – the focus group-friendly brand face of modern country music (a.k.a. trash) – recently joined Brad Pitt to become the second native Oklahoman named People's "Sexiest Man Alive."
Here's the cover:
I don't have problem with this. Although a barbed wire tattoo should probably disqualify any human from any sexy list, Blake is sexy in a truck nut type of way. Plus, People has magazines to sell and publicists and talents agencies to please. They might as well go with an A-list tabloid star for this annual publicity stunt.
That being said, I think there are lots and lots of Oklahoma men sexier than Blake Shelton. Here are 10 of them:
1. Joe Exotic
Tiger Zoo Owner / Gubernatorial Candidate
Although he's never been featured in Tiger Beat, Joe Exotic – the Tiger King of Oklahoma and the rest of the world – is so sexy he has to give his customers free self-branded condoms just in case some man, woman or child wants to hear the roar of a tiger.
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2. Brenton Hager
Criminal
As we mentioned in our recap that way too many people took way too seriously, Brenton Hager – the star of last week's epic off-road police chase – has a Model Mayhem page that he probably set up to score some meth. His chiseled jaw, six-pack abs and bad boy lifestyle make trailer park girls melt like syringes left out in the hot sun.
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3. Sam Mayes
Sports Radio Jock
I think Sam is way too hard on himself. How about sexy lurch?
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4. Sam Presti
Thunder General Manager
Sam Presti the NBA General Manager is a bit overrated. It's difficult to have "I traded James Harden" or "I never won an NBA championship with Kevin Durant on my roster" on your resume and be considered great. But Sam Presti the international sex symbol is underrated. He's one of the few people in the world sexy enough to pull off a polished, sophisticated look with a There's Something About Mary hairstyle.
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5. Knuckles
Lawton Rapper
Most Lawton sex symbols are usually just interchangeable sign graphics that point residents to the free public health clinic for syphilis screenings, but not Knuckles. The "Andy" whistlin', cowboy boots and jorts wearin' rapper from Oklahoma's armpit is bringing sexy back to the 580.
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6. Scott Inman
Former Politician
Ask any pretty blonde campaign finance consultant to name the sexiest man at the capitol, and there's a good chance you'll hear the name Scott Inman. Well, that is until he officially resigns.
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7. Baker Mayfield
Future Heisman Trophy Winner
Baker has all the things ladies and gay men look for in a sexy man – good looks, swagger, athleticism, confidence, and run-ins with the law. He's the complete package.
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8. BJ Wexler
OETA Movie Club Host
Is there a sexier hairstyle than the old man perm-fro? I think not. You should see some of the lurid viewer mail BJ gets from the ladies at the Shady Gardens Retirement Community.
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9. Patrick Riley
Blogger / Bar Trivia Host
Sorry ladies. This dapper silver fox (and albino clone of Papa Smurf) is taken.
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10. Paco Balderrama
Hunky Policeman
Paco Balderrama has the distinction of being the first, and only, person to be featured in our very short-lived Hot Dude Monday feature.
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Anyway, that's just 10 examples of Oklahoma men who are sexier than Blake Shelton. If you have any suggestions, leave a comment.
