With the runaway success of joints like Toby Keith’s "I Love This Bar and Grill" and Blake Shelton’s Ole Red (and probably numerous Hunt Brothers Pizza franchises), the Okie dining scene is practically begging for more well-primed and beautifully pumped celebrity eateries, spread throughout the state or, heck, even just the Metro itself. I know I’d eat there. You know you would too. Patrick and I came up with five possible ideas for theme restaurants in case any Oklahoma country music superstars are checking their Google alerts today.
1. Carrie Underwood’s "Before He Eats" Bar and Grill
From the “Don’t Forget to Remember Meat” churrascaria special to the “Cowboy Casanova” cuts of mid-range locally-bred steaks, all items from Carrie Underwood's "Before He Eats" Bar and Grill are priced to move into that “Temporary Home” you call a stomach.
2. Reba’s Fancy Fine Dining Parlor and Part-Time Bordello
Lookin’ for a little, ahem, privacy? We’ll does Reba have a deal for you! Ladies of the night who need a place to hock their wares without fear before their sophisticated male callers of a certain distinction, one where they can be nice to the gentleman and vice-versa. For the best in illicit high-quality dining and after-dinner conversation, here’s our one chance to introduce Fancy Fine Dining Parlor, where we won’t let you (or your need for discretion) down and we guarantee it. Serving high-protein erotic dishes like the “Little Rock” Oysters and the Hot Chile-Chocolate “Sunday Kind of Love,” all from the safety of an old house on the outskirts of town that resembles the night that the light went out in Georgia.
3. Garth's "Shameless" All You Can Eat Vegas-Style Buffet
Don't be ashamed stuffing your mouth at this all you can eat masterpiece! Featuring some of the most popular dishes from the grand buffet at Wynn Casino – Garth's home away from home from 2009 - 2013 – this Vegas-style buffet will make people the thunder roll in the heart of those who miss the Fuze Buffet. Instead of saxophone player, they'll have a steel guitarist.
4. Brooks N Bunn Korean Eatery
This Korean-American fusion eatery from the talented half of Brooks and Dunn – Tulsa native Ronnie Dunn – will feature an array of bao buns topped with Oklahoma fixins, like the Boot Scootin Bunny (stewed rabbit), My Maria (chorizo and red onion) and The Believer (chicken fried steak and gravy).
5. Chris Gaines’ El Rey de los Tacos Móviles # 4
Located at the corner of S.W. 26 and Robinson, former rocker Chris Gaines has traded in his black mascara for carne asada with the 2009 opening of Chris Gaines’ El Rey de los Tacos Móviles, now up to his fourth truck in the Oklahoma City area. Bringing that authentic Chris Gaines taste of Mexico to his specialty eats, from beef to borrego, to puro vida with his own secret identity spices and seasonings, these slow-roasted specialties will get “lost inside you.” Bring in this coupon for $2.00 off any specialty burrito (excluding items on the “Brooks “Shameless” Secret Value Menu”)! Soon to be a major motion picture.
6. Vince Gill’s Pocket Full of Fish and High Lonesome Hush Puppy Cafetorium
Do you “still believe” in high quality locally-farmed all-you-can-eat fried catfish at a price the whole family can afford? Go ahead and call their name—Vince Gill’s Pocket Full of Fish and High Lonesome Hush Puppy Cafetorium—they’ll hear ya loud and clear! Come for the Northwest Classen high-school cafeteria-style seating and share servings of boiled corn, green beans, buttered new potatoes and, of course, those famous High Lonesome Hush Puppies with the “Feels Like Love Friday Night” special! Or, if you’re looking for someplace romantic to with your secret girlfriendfuture wifelover significant other, ask for our special “House of Love” seating. Where else you gonna go when love—and that hunger for breaded and deep-fried catfish—finds you?
7. Krystal Keith’s ♥我喜欢这个湖南烧烤的房子和蒙古锅
Toby Keith’s 的女儿为自己的音乐命名，所以，像爸爸一样，她开了自己的中国小酒馆和蒙古锅！来自湖南省的Krystal已经确定了古老的食谱，包括橙色鸡肉，波旁鸡肉和（Happy Family $16.95）幸福家庭超辣鸡翅膀！她可能无法像爸爸一样唱歌，但她对古代中国烹饪的了解是无可挑剔的！ 快来吃吧！ 这是最好的！
Can we all agree Toby Keith's "I Love This Bar" is really a good song? Follow Louis on Twitter at @LouisFowler.