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Thong-clad Enid man drenched in Vaseline pulled over for speeding…

4:50 AM EDT on October 25, 2017

It looks like we may have found the Oklahoma arrest of the year. Well, that is if you exclude the ones involving Oklahoma lawmakers.

The guy pictured above – John Wayne Kellerman – was recently pulled over for speeding by a Garfield County Sheriff's Deputy. It was bad timing for John, as he was covered in Vaseline, wearing a bikini thong and making sure his drive was as pleasurable as possible.

Via The Smoking Gun:

An Oklahoma motorist was covered in Vaseline and wearing only a thong bikini when a patrolman pulled over his vehicle for speeding, according to a court filing which notes  that a porno magazine was atop the passenger seat.

After initiating a vehicle stop last Sunday afternoon in Enid, a Garfield County Sheriff's Office deputy approached the car and spotted "a nearly naked white male driver" behind the wheel.

The driver, John Wayne Kellerman, 54, “had a bikini thong covering his genitals” and had Vaseline “covering his hands, upper and lower body parts,” noted Deputy Darryl Beebe. The cop also reported observing an “opened jar of Vaseline that was nearly empty” and a “pornographic magazine in the passenger seat.”

Yikes. That's a sticky situation to be caught in. He definitely violated a penal code or two.

Kellerman, not surprisingly, was “extremely nervous in a manner that his hands were shaking and his voice was trembling,” reported Beebe, to whom Kellerman handed a Vaseline-streaked ID card as a means of identification.

When asked if he had been masturbating while driving, Kellerman (seen above) copped to the autoeroticism.

At one point, Kellerman offered Beebe “a rag to wipe the Vaseline off of the ID card.” The deputy, however, “refused  Kellerman’s ‘semen rag’ and returned to his patrol car,” according to a probable cause affidavit that should be bronzed.

That's great. Thanks to this arrest, expect those digital ODOT signs to warn motorists about the dangers of masturbating while driving. Hopefully Oklahoma lawmakers pay attention.

You can read the full police report over at The Smoking Gun.

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