Whether you’re an Astro-Creep, a demolition-style Hell-American freak or the crawling dead, a phantom in a box shadow in your head, it’s that time of year where we try to forget rogue cops murdering citizens in the streets, a U.S territory starving to death and God knows how many nuclear weapon pointed right at us and get back to the basics of being scared the old-fashioned way – by heading to the outskirts of town to pay teenagers in badly designed zombie costumes to jump out of cornstalks and threaten to murder us with a plastic axe.
I don’t care if you’re the Jigsaw Man, turning the world around with a skeleton hand or even the Electric Head, cannibal core a television said, especially as of late it almost feels spiritually cleansing to be scared of something we know is fake and can’t hurt us, a self-effacing shot of controlled adrenaline that will leave us uncontrollably nervous-laughing with friends, and what better way to experience that then in one of the Metro’s numerous haunted houses, trails, fields, warehouses, strip-malls, or churches?