10 Weird and True Oklahoma Fall Traditions
12:04 PM EDT on October 2, 2017
According to everyone on my Facebook feed, October 1 is the official first day of Oklahoma fall. Tis the season for pumpkin spice everything, Halloween pop-up shops, and sweating through your scarf because Oklahoma decides to go through five seasons of weather in a day. Oklahoma has a lot of traditions when it comes to celebrating the changing leaves. My traditions mostly revolve around switching from spiking my drinks with vodka to splashing them with bourbon. However, there are many other activities that are almost synonymous with fall in our state. Here is a list of the 10 best fall traditions in Oklahoma.
#10 Cultural Appropriation
Cultural appropriation is one of Oklahoma’s favorite traditions. Especially in October. Everyone is quick to claim that 1/16th Native American blood they inherited from a great-great-grandmother that probably doesn’t exist in order to convince themselves that they aren’t as racist as their slutty “native princess” Halloween costume makes them appear. Even though they are as racist as their slutty “native princess” Halloween costume makes them appear.
#9 Failing at Pinterest Projects
Like allergens from trees across the metro, the changes in Oklahoma wind in the fall bring about craft inspiration. So when that inspiration hits, traditionally every Oklahoman spends enough on felt, burlap, and hot glue to fund at least three more illegal cuneiform tablets for the Green family. Then they spend 4 hours half-assing a decorative Fall wreath that still doesn’t look as good as the one your neighbor Susan bought at Target for $20.
#8 Wearing Flannel
Fall traditionally brings about a change of wardrobe for Oklahomans, who start pairing flannel shirts with every occasion. Going to Life Church? Put a flannel shirt over your sundress. Going to class for once? Put a flannel shirt over your pajama pants. Flannel is the ranch dressing of the wardrobe; Oklahomans think for some damn reason it pairs with everything.
#7 Wishing Mosquitos a Long and Happy Trip to Hell
During 5 months out of the year, humans are not the dominant species in Oklahoma. In the summer, mosquitos are our overlords, instilling more fear across the masses than the thought of a third Fallin term. But in the fall, these sunsa-bucks start dying off, leaving us only with the fear of not actually being invited to a Halloween party to wear your $50 racist native princess costume to.
#6 Avoiding Your Hometown’s County Fairs
Ever since Aunt Linda got a Facebook and figured out evites, it is a lot harder to claim you didn’t get her invitation to come watch your cousin Bobby show a Hampshire pig for the fifth year in a row at the county fair. But you’ll find an excuse.
#5 Watching the Leaves Change
The Oklahoma City metro is not known for glorious fall foliage. Instead of painting the Oklahoma landscape with a rainbow of greens, reds, yellows, and oranges, our trees’ leaves change from brown to spray tan. Fun fact! Starting with Abigail and ending with Kent, you can tell how late the autumn season is by which Ogle tan the trees mostly match.
#4 Complaining About How Hot it is
As I said, many Oklahomans think that October 1st officially brings the fall season. They thus demand the right to wear their turtlenecks, puffy vests, and boots. But it turns out that labeling months is pretty arbitrary and Oklahoma will turn cold when it damn well pleases. And then hot again. And then maybe cold. Who knows? That doesn’t stop Edmond moms from looking like a sweaty, damp Hans Solos and complaining like it isn’t their fault they failed to heed the warnings of David Payne’s weather forecast about today’s 87 degree high.
#3 Starting Holiday Family Visitation Fights
October is the month that traditionally gets Oklahomans into the holiday spirit. Maybe it’s because Halloween is the first of four major holidays in a row. Or maybe it’s because your mom has progressively put up Christmas decorations earlier and earlier each year, which means her tree is up in October. Either way, October is when couples start having conversations about which family they will join for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Which means October is when couples traditionally start fighting about which family they will join for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Look, no one really likes to go to Aunt Janet’s, but three years in a row of avoiding her Christmas Eve Dirty Santa party in Weatherford will look suspicious.
# 2 Having a Sinus Infection
Unlike trees in other states that gift life-giving oxygen to the air, Oklahoma trees give off leaves, pollen, and what I assume to be anthrax by how hard they try to kill me. And I am not alone. By how many of my coworkers I saw passing around the benadryl box today, I only assume asthma attacks and sinus infections are Oklahoma Fall traditions.
#1 Letting Pumpkins Rot on the Front Porch
Aldi has these bad boys on sale for $3 right now. We all buy them with the intention of being the “cute” house on the block, only to neglect them until the middle of December when we are forced to scrape the mushy remnants off of our front porch. It's tradition.
Hayley doesn't want to admit that she likes pumpkin spice lattes, but she does. Follow her on twitter @squirrellygeek.