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Blake Shelton opens absurd new restaurant in Tishomingo..

7:38 AM EDT on September 15, 2017

Blake Shelton has officially made his alimony payment to the city of Tishomingo.

Within the last week or so, the good ole' country boy opened his new good ole' country boy-themed restaurant "Ole Red." The name, I believe, was inspired by the nickname Blake gives to his penis every four to six months.

Located in the same location as Miranda Lambert's now defunct Pink Pistol – the boutique she closed after Blake ditched her for Gwen Stefani – the concept features a wide variety of southern style foods, fixin's and cocktails that will make you want to put on your blue jeans and drive down a dirt road in a pickup truck.

The place comes across as a redneck version of T.G.I.F. For example, check out the new WTF Bloody Mary –  a name I just made up – that will be included on what they'll probably call the "Come Here To Forget" Sunday brunch. It's received a ton of shares on FB:

Holy shit. That looks like something Guy Fieri dreamed up while smoking crack in the Graham's bathroom. Buffalo Wings and Slim Jim's do not belong in a Bloody Mary! That would be like garnishing a margarita with a chicken quesadilla and chorizo. Just because you can do it doesn't make it right.

So far, the reviews for "Ole Red" have been about as mixed as the ones for Blake's newest album. Here's a sampling from Facebook:

After all that, you decided to try dessert? That's not a "bad" idea. That's a moronic idea.

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She gave the restaurant five stars and then compared it to Applebee's. That's not a good sign.

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They need to give Cherokee a raise.

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Black Shelton? Is that Blake's version of Chris Gaines?

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Yeah, don't complain about the pink chicken. It's supposed to be that way. Also, the green fuzzy stuff on the rolls is "seasoning."

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To be fair, I try to reserve judgement on a restaurant until it's been open for at least a few months. They have to hire and train new staff, perfect the menu, and figure out how to launder all the cash. As a result, we're going to wait a couple of months and then send Louis down there for a proper review. Hopefully it's still open. If Old Red fails, maybe Gwen Stefani can flip it into something called "Spider Webs" or "Hollaback." Blake needs to keep those alimony payments coming.

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