In case you just happened to be crushed by slabs of heavy concrete while driving down the road to buy groceries at Buy For Less, we should probably inform you that the May Ave. bridge over Northwest Expressway collapsed yesterday when a tank being driven by Mary Fallin crashed into the structure.
Okay, Mary Fallin didn't knock down the bridge with a tank. God did when he heard about our state's newest anti-abortion bill. Remember that the next time you need to go to the Target on N. May to protest who uses their bathrooms.
I only live about six blocks from the bridge, and probably drive over it, under it and around it six to eight times a day. In fact, I'm pretty sure I heard it fall down. Because we live in Oklahoma, I assumed it was just a tornado, earthquake or that my neighbor's donkey had escaped from his pen and was scratching his back on garage.
Speaking of asses, the bridge collapse woke up the local Oklahoma City media. They converged on the scene like Jim Traber does when Mazzio's puts a fresh pepperoni on the pizza buffet. Overall, I think Channel 25 had the best coverage. According to them, we all better watch our asses:
Yeah, that's obviously a typo. It's supposed to be "Asses Damaged Tomorrow." Actually, that doesn't make sense either. I thought the bridge where the ass damage occurs was the overpass at I-44 and Penn. Now I'm confused.
Because sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh at how absurd life has become in this state, the bridge collapse got the Internet Photoshop Meme treatment. Check these pics out:
Hmmn. Maybe Mary Fallin really did destroy the bridge with a tank.
Here are a couple of other notes:
• This isn't the first time some idiot in a truck hit the bridge. It happened in 1994:
In hindsight, the most interesting headline that day was "Racial Bias Claimed In Drug Sentencing." It's good to see we've made progress in that area.
• Let's not get all crazy and tar and feather the truck driver who just caused an insanely major inconvenience for tens of thousands of people. It doesn't matter. The bridge was probably going to collapse soon anyway.
You have to love Oklahoma. We care about roads and bridges about as much as we do the constitutionality of our anti-abortion laws. Once again, is this a great state or what?!