There's been a disturbance in the Oklahoma Severe Weather Force.
Late last night, diabolical Facebook weatherman Aaron Tuttle warned that a line of supercells containing killer EF4 and EF5 tornadoes may fire up along the I-40 corridor and hit the Oklahoma City metro on Monday evening.
Naturally, the apocalyptic forecast incited fear and panic among Aaron Tuttle's 93,000 Facebook followers. After watching a rape on Game of Thrones and learning Mad Men was nothing more than a really long infomercial for Coca-Cola, they probably figured the world really was ending and shared the following forecast an astonishing 3,800+ times...
Do you have a gimmicky, buggy web app that you want to promote? Are you trying to get more shares of your content on Facebook? Well, have I got an idea for you! Simply claim you're an expert meteorologist, make up a bunch of scary shit about the weather, and then hit the post button! It doesn't even need to be remotely accurate. It will spread over Facebook like a squall line on a cold front. Just make sure to ask people to donate to your product at the very end. It's that easy.
Much like the tone of his cocktail tanned skin, Tuttle's forecast was absolute bullshit. According to The National Weather Service and all local news channels, the tornado threat for Oklahoma City this evening is extremely low to non-existent. This was noted by Severe Weather Princess Emily Sutton. She hopped on Facebook early in the morning to calm the weather fears being spread by an "Internet Meteorologist."
Via Emily's Facebook page:
I love Emily Sutton. She's a double rainbow of sweetness and innocence. She really thinks Aaron Tuttle means well, and doesn't assume he's just trying to drum up some fear and paranoia in order to get Facebook shares and enough weather app donations to buy a new Bowflex. Who knew being gullible could be so adorable?
After Emily posted her update, several of Aaron Tuttle's dopey minions and loyal footsoldiers criticized our Weather Princess for what they deemed to be an unfair cheap shot. Because she's so nice, she edited her post and removed the reference to an "internet meteorologist" who she assumes "means well."
This is what the new one looked like...
In all, Emily's non-life threatening forecast was shared 160 times, which is about 3,700 times less than Aaron Tuttle's dire prognostications. This is how Aaron responded:
Oops. Wrong post. That's the one where Aaron claims TV news media people hype storms for days just to get ratings. Although there is some truth to his statement, I wish Aaron would be transparent and disclose how many donations and downloads he received late last night for his ad-supported weather app.
Here's his retort:
Hey asshole, when you "see something," we don't want you to immediately "say something." That's not how the weather game should work. We want you to do what PROFESSIONAL meteorologists should do and research the data, apply methodology, consult with peers and colleagues, and then make an informed, calculated decision as to what the most likely forecast would be. We don't want you to put "your neck out." That's not what a meteorologist should do. That implies you're ignoring facts and taking a gamble, instead of reporting what will likely happen. It makes you look like a fear mongerer who's pursuing attention and Facebook "Likes" just so you can make a little extra money. Basically, it makes you look like Internet Meteorologist Aaron Tuttle.