I think we found the cause of the recent syphilis outbreak in Lawton.
A while back, Spencer and I stumbled across a music video by some white Lawton rapper named "Knuckles." His name is apparently inspired by the things people bite when they hear his music.
The video is the most Lawton thing ever. The name of the song is "Andyyyy," which ironically enough is the most popular baby name in Lawton for 2013. It features Knuckles and his hypeman / partner / BFFuggalo Jesse Dalton rapping to the Andy Griffith theme, while occasionally dressed as clowns, and watching models they hopefully found on a Craigslist ad twerking and wrestling around in horse shit.
The whole thing makes Zero look like John Fulbright.
Check out it out:
Even though the video was hysterically awful, that's not the worst song I've ever heard. It has a catchy melody. Then again, I bet you could get Pat Jones and Serge Ibaka to crank out a decent hip hop duet if you let them sample the Andy Griffith theme. What's next? Hawaii 5-0? Cheers?? Knight Rider??? Actually, having Knuckles put together a rap about the Lawton nightlife over the Knight Rider theme would be pretty cool.
Walk into a club...
Talking to some bitches...
Realize I live in Lawton now there's shit in my britches...
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. We're not writing about Knuckles for his ability to ripoff someone else's music. Since Spencer is the pro at dissin' other white rappers, I asked him for his thoughts on the video:
- Knuckles is a pretty sweet rap name, but it's a terrible name for a proctologist.
- Which is more full of shit? The bulls or the rappers?
- I'm still not sure WTF to do if a woman makes me want to "Do the Andy Griffith." Do I whistle at her, take her fishing, have my Aunt B make her a pie? Seriously, help. Or should I just take her out in field and hose her down...
- The credited director for the video is "Steve the Director." Some of the uncredited contributors are: "Biscuit the Pitbull," "Bethany the Never-Taken-a-Dance-Lesson-Ever," and of course "Newport the Cigarette."
- "Andyyyy" is the most popular song at "Arm Pitzzzz," Lawton's "Finest" Strip Club.
- Can I send this to Zero and tell him it's my response diss?
On the topic of Zero, we couldn't find any scary pictures of Knuckles auditioning to be a Blood on his Facebook page. He did have this:
But it was totally negated by this:
Something tells me Aaron Tuttle is Knuckle's favorite weatherman. Also, is it just me, or do all white rappers look like they should be selling phones at the mall?
Anyway, Knuckles has a bunch of songs on Itunes and Reverb Nation3 in case you want to buy his music and support a white rapper from Lawton. Enjoy.
