Lost Ogle Q&A: Governor Mary Fallin
3:04 PM EST on November 3, 2014
Earlier today, we published a Lost Ogle Q&A with Democratic Gubernatorial Candidate Joe Dorman.
Because we're fair and balanced, we also sent the same 15 questions to Governor Fallin. I really wasn't sure what to expect when I emailed her campaign asking about the Q&A. She did take part in one in 2010, but that was four years ago. It was before she was a heavily favored, but unpopular incumbent trying to sputter her way to reelection.
It was also before...
A) We filed a lawsuit against her. And in the process, forced her to release all public records regarding Obamacare, including the embarrassing ones.
B) The rise of Hipster Boo Boo. Our first post about the Governor's daughter was published in 2011 after we discovered her first engagement website. Since then, we've kind of made it a habit to lampoon her ridiculous eccentric attention-craving daughter, who, by the way, has conveniently fallen off the map during the campaign season.
C) Inauguration Speech Plagiarism. 104-degree Hot Tub. Bowl Game Travel. Twitter Hacks. Open Toed Shoes. The Playboy Mansion Grotto. Yeah, I guess you can say we've had fun at Mary's expense since she became Governor back in 2010. But... it was never planned or intentional. We didn't seek out or pursue these stories. They all came to us via the Ogle Mole Network. It's a powerful thing.
Based upon all that stuff, I really didn't expect Governor Fallin to participate in the Q&A, but after touching base with, and sending the questions, to her Communications Czar Alex Weintz, I got the following response:
Eureka! Mary Fallin agreed to the Q&A! I know we give her a hard time, but that's actually a cool thing to do. Kudos to her for taking the high road, and realizing that TLO reaches a large audience of voting Oklahomans who would like a little levity and humor the day before election day.
Check it out...
Q: It’s been over one year since Lord Gary England retired as The Severe Weather Savior of Oklahoma. Who do you now watch during storm season?
A: I loved Gary England, but I now get my weather reports from Mike Morgan. He, like all of our television meteorologists, never hypes things up and does his best to keep Oklahomans safe. The calm, cool, collected demeanor he displays during a severe weather outbreak is very soothing.
Q: When driving to the Oklahoma panhandle, do you chuckle whenever you pass through the towns Beaver, Hooker or Slapout?
A: I usually do laugh, but only because my bodyguard detail does first. What are they laughing about?
Q: What’s the first thing you do whenever you feel an earthquake? Check Facebook or turn on the TV?
A: The first thing I do is check with my crisis team to make sure there wasn't any damage and that all Oklahomans are safe. The next thing I do is talk with Harold Hamm and other energy leaders to make sure we're on the same page when deflecting questions about the relation between earthquakes and the techniques we use to extract natural resources.
Q: What will you do to ensure that Oklahoma and Oklahoma State don’t suck at football?
A: Oklahoma and Oklahoma State do not suck at football! I know this because I personally try to fly out to their bowl games.
Q: What’s do the inscriptions on the Heavener Runestone really say?
A: Faith! Family! Values!
Just teasing, in all truth, I'm not sure we'll ever know what those Viking explorers carved into the Heavener Runestone when they visited Oklahoma thousands of years ago.
Q: Who would you rather be photographed with – Janet Barresi or Barack Obama?
A: I've been photographed with both. Yeah, I don't know how I'm winning this thing either.
Q: What are your predictions for the upcoming Thunder season? Also, would you support tapping into the rainy day fund to help the team re-sign their stars?
A: I think the Thunders are one of the best basketball teams on the planet. I love the effort and tenacity Coach Steve Brooks has them playing. Their goal scoring star Kevin "KD" Durant even helped my kickoff my Kid's Fit Initiative. He hit a home run! Go Thunders!
Q: Have you ever tried marijuana?
Also, do you think adults who possess and/or use small amounts of marijuana in the privacy of their home – whether for medicinal or recreational purposes – are dangerous heathens who should be charged with a serious crime that results in a criminal record, hefty fines and possible jail time?
A: Based on some of the things I've said and done, you may be surprised to learned that I've never admitted to smoking or using any type of marijuana.
Recently, I did support allowing a limited, heavily supervised use of non-intoxicating CBD to be delivered on a trial-basis to sick children in Oklahoma. However, I think politicians should pick and choose what natural, non-lethal medicines adults put in their body, especially those medicines that can relieve the stress and pain caused by having somebody like me be your governor.
Q: On the topic of marijuana, you have met Wayne Coyne. What do you think about his new partnership with Miley Cyrus?
A: I love Wayne Coyne! He is good friends with my daughter Christina, or as Wayne likes to call her, Sacaga-tina.
Q: Have you been invited to a gay wedding yet? Also, now that gay marriage is legal, when should we expect the foundations of Oklahoma society to crumble and fall into the ground like they were built on red dirt? Well, technically all of Oklahoma is built on red dirt, but you get my point.
A: No, I have not been to a gay wedding, and although I once took a photograph with a man wearing a "Legalize Gay Marriage" shirt, I am for traditional marriage. The people of Oklahoma have the right to determine how marriage is defined. In 2004, Oklahomans exercised that right, voting by a margin of 3-1 to define marriage as the union of one man and one woman.
The will of the people has now been overridden by unelected federal justices, accountable to no one. That is both undemocratic and a violation of states' rights. Rather than allowing states to make their own policies that reflect the values and views of their residents, federal judges have inserted themselves into a state issue to pursue their own agendas.
The decision to legalize gay marriage has been cast by the media as a victory for gay rights. What has been ignored, however, is the right of Oklahomans and Americans in every state, to write their own laws and govern themselves as they see fit. Those rights have once again been trampled by an arrogant, out-of-control federal government that wants to substitute Oklahoma values with Washington, D.C. values.
(Editor's Note: Most of that is real!)
Q: Can you all dig up any dirt on Emily Sutton’s serious fireman fiancé? We think she’s making a big mistake.
A: He's a handsome hunk. I'll leave it at that.
Q: Why is it illegal to buy a six-pack of beer directly from a local brewery during a tour, but you can still get a pack of cigarettes from behind the counter of a Walgreens?
A: I'm a free market conservative, but I think having confusing, dated, moralistic, wrapped-in-red-tape liquor laws that unnecessarily protect the interests and finances of a few wholesalers and distributors, the liquor store lobby and ABLE Commission is good for business and Oklahoma.
Q: What’s your least favorite state that borders Oklahoma?
A: That's easy. Washington D.C.
Q: Thanks for the Q&A. We saved the most difficult question for last… can you say something nice about your opponent?
A: Although I disagree with Barack on every issue and think he's bad for Oklahoma, his wife Michelle is pretty nice.
Okay, in case it's not obvious, I made up those answers. That's because this happened on Friday:
Okay, the obvious follow-up to Alex would have been "Why do you have a monkey as you avatar?" but that's a mystery that I'm not sure I want answered. I'll leave that up the legitimate journalists at the Tecumseh Times.
Anyway, I guess I'd like to thank Mary Fallin's campaign for making us think she was cool, and willing to look past our lampooning and have a little fun. I'm not surprised. If I was a Republican politician struggling to win re-election on the reddist of red states in 2014, I wouldn't feel like having fun either.
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