Sports editors must like one sentence paragraphs and bad sports columns.
Yesterday, the Associated Press Sports Editors announced their 2013 award winners.
The Oklahoman's Jenni Carlson won the "Columns" category
And no, we're not referring to the 1990s Sega video game that combined the joys of Tetris with the sadness of Dr. Mario.
They actually recognized Jenni for her sports columns.
Yes, her columns.
The same ones you click on at NewsOK.com after seeing an interesting headline, notice it's a Jenni Carlson column, and then promptly hit the back button.
Once again, we call that being "Carlsoned."
Here are the details of her award:
That sound you just heard was Mike Gundy puking.
Suck it, Beat Baldwin.
I know what you're thinking: "How could Jenni Carlson win an excellence in sports writing award?!?"
Well, I think we have your answer:
Yes, Jenni's boss is the Vice President of the Associated Press Sports Editors.
That's probably not a big deal.
I doubt he has anything to do with contest judging, right?
So basically, Jenni Carlson is the Russian figure skater of the sports columnist awards circuit. I guess that would make David Climer from the Tennessean the American. And damnit, I snapped my streak of one sentence paragraphs. It's harder to do than you think.
As I've mentioned on this site a few hundred times, I can't stand Jenni Carlson's writing. Other than the times I get Carlsoned or a Mole forwards me a ridiculous column, I stopped voluntarily reading her stuff years ago. It's annoying to read and even more annoying to write about. The typical Jenni column usually either restates the obvious and lacks any insight (OU must play well to win Sugar Bowl) or delivers an over-the-top preachy message (only the Oklahoma City Thunder can save James Harden). She's basically the Jim Traber of sportswriting. The only difference is that she has a strange infatuation with Landry Jones and Whitney Hand and really enjoys open letters.
That being said, Jenni is great at writing those sappy, emotional, human interest features about people overcoming odds, dealing with unfortunate circumstances or playing softball.
She won a well-deserved award for those, too:
Maybe she should use her skills to write an award-winning feature about people who have read all of her sports columns and lived to tell about it?
I'd actually check that one out.
And then post it to Facebook.
And then play Columns, because that's a pretty awesome Jenni Carlson way to to end this post.