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Some lady in Edmond found a box with old stuff in it…


Slow news day alert!

Last night, Channel 9 told us about some lady who found a bunch of Civil War items in a box. When I saw the story, I immediately thought of our friend Zero and his Civil War revolver musket thing that still gives Spencer nightmares.

From News 9:

Edmond Woman Discovers Civil War Documents

An Oklahoma woman has discovered a rare historical find in her home.

"I found something with some pretty writing on it," Julie Mathis said.

Mathis was cleaning out a box to use to move when she uncovered pieces of American history.

"Letters, stamps, writing utensils, locks," said Mathis. "It seemed to be almost a whole bit of history, a whole person's history just wrapped in twine."

Among the findings: a handwritten letter from 1866 with a colorful government seal and signed by several Pennsylvania lawmakers. The most puzzling items belonged to a Pennsylvania doctor during the middle of the Civil War. His obituary, marriage license, medical degree and a stack of letters addressed to his wife.

"It's like his whole life is right here," said Mathis. "Why am I supposed to know that?"

We wanted to help Julie unravel this mystery. We reached out to Cohasco Document Preservation Center in Yonkers, New York. They told us the greater the connection to the Civil War, the greater the value. They believe everyone named in the documents most likely had some role in the war. It's one signature, James R. Kelley, Speaker of the House of Representatives, that may have the greatest value. We learned before Kelley was a Pennsylvania Lawmaker, he was not only a Union soldier, but a prisoner of war.

So, uhm, that's it? If you ask me, that stuff is more of a collection of random shit from the 1860s than real Civil War documents. I know it's kind of splitting hairs and everything, but I thought I'd be "that guy" and point it out. Sadly, that's what I do with my life nowadays.

Anyway, the lady who found the stuff was pretty excited about the historic find:

The news surprised Mathis, "Oh my goodness! That's just amazing to find out somebody had such a powerful influence in a document that I'm holding in my hands."

The experts at Cohasco told us Julie's historic finds could be worth between $200 and $300. Julie plans to keep the treasures or try to find any descendants. How they got in her possession remains a mystery.

So, if those things are worth $200 - $300, I wonder how much Zero's old revolver would fetch on the black market? $2,000 or $3,000? Maybe he'll trade it for a tattoo of Pottawatomie County on his chest.

In addition to the obvious "How did a box of Civil War era documents appear in your house," there are two other mysteries here:

1. Why did this lady go to News 9 instead of Channel 4's "Trash or Treasure?" Boy, that really would have made Linda Cavanaugh's day. She gets worked up when someone brings a $10 painting or $20 lamp onto the set. I can only imagine what would happen if someone arrived with old Civil War era documents. Linda would probably turn red, begin to shake and have someone (probably Ashton Edwards) apply yam cream to her forehead during the commercial break. Basically, she would behave like Bob Barry Jr. after he sees a motor scooter.

• Why am I even writing about this topic? I guess it's because I never turn down an opportunity to make fun of Zero or Bob Barry Jr. Sorry.

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