(Editor's Note: This week, we bring you a guest column from Ogle Mole Irwin Fletcher. He's a big sports radio fan and will contribute to this site from time to time.)
We’re sure former Twitter power user Regular Jim Traber has hobbies – oiling his old baseball mitt, prank-calling Cal Ripken Jr., injecting truth serum, chasing yardbirds – but his latest pastime has been banging on the pro basketball skills of Thunder center Kendrick Perkins.
Using Perkins as a verbal punchline is not a high-level skill at this point. Bringing up how he’s overpaid and underperforming will get you through an awkward encounter in any local elevator or in line at Big Truck Tacos.
In fact, ESPN recently named Perkins the NBA’s "LVP" (least valuable player). Last year, he had the worst playoff performance in, well, forever.
Give [Perkins] a Nobel Peace Prize, because his leadership must be that transformative. Otherwise, there is no way he could convince an NBA coach to give him 20 minutes a night in 2014. Alas, Scott Brooks can't shake his Perkins addiction. With Perkins, every shred of tangible evidence points to "not an NBA player."
Get this: He currently has more turnovers (53) than made baskets (48). And then there's the fact that he fouls five times as often as he blocks a shot.
If he does positive things outside the box score, it doesn't show on the scoreboard; the Thunder are 9.2 points per 100 possessions worse with him on the floor, according to NBA.com. That is especially amazing considering he plays almost exclusively (683 of his 690 minutes) with Kevin Durant. Even the MVP favorite can't hide his futility. Perkins ranks last in Estimated Wins Added (minus-1.5) and second-to-last in WARP (minus-1.8). It's hard to imagine a player more unintentionally destructive.
Since the article was published, Traber has turned up his anti-Perk rhetoric. He begins and ends each show by blasting Perkins, and uses this article as proof that the Thunder big man is awful. He constantly calls Perk the LVP.
But not so fast.
Maybe the "Jim Traber of Pro Hoops" is a more appropriate title. Because when he was playing professional baseball back in the mullet-happy 80s, Trabes was putting up Perkins-level numbers of terribleness.
And we have the numbers to prove it.
It was 1988, a golden year for Traber. A muscle-headed slugger for the Baltimore Orioles, had his best season for games played, at-bats and plate appearances.
In summary, Traber was the worst player in the American League in 1988. LVP! LVP! LVP!
Here’s some numbers for you nerds. According to the advanced stats of baseball, Traber was dead last in the American League in a stat called oWAR, offensive wins against replacement - the equal to the NBA’s WARP, the stat Trabes uses to kill Perkins with regularly. Traber’s oWAR of -1.7 was so bad, only four other guys in the AL were at -1 or lower.
In overall WAR, Traber was also negative at -1.2. Only teammate Billy Ripken was worse. (What the heck is this stat? Find out more here.)
In the stat Rbat (which gives weight to a players ability to drive in runs, depending on the team’s run scoring environment and overall team run-scoring ability), Traber was -18, lowest in the AL. Having your first baseman have the league's lowest Rbat would be like having your shooting gaurd have the league's worst 3-point percentage.
In other words, if your baseball team had runners on base, you would have been better with Perkins with a bat in his hand than the big fella.
No surprise that the Orioles finished last in the AL East that year and Trabes would spend only one more year in the bigs. At least Perkins is on a good team and, at times, providing critical defense and helping keep the superstars happy.