It's that time of year again, when a bunch of artist take over downtown OKC and usually bring at least one rain storm with them. This annual event brings in people from all walks of life, so I want to show you how to "blend in" during the five-day event. This event is awesome, so I'm not crapping on it, I just want everyone to have a good time without looking like they've never been there before. So, let's get started!
1. Aimlessly drive around like you're not sure where to park.
Thanks to the Devon Tower, this is the easiest part about going to the Festival of the Arts. Last year I parked in an abandoned lot that I think doubled as the bathroom for the Oklahoma City homeless population. Don't park there.
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2. Wait in line for an overpriced Indian Taco.
You don't even have to enjoy the Indian Taco, but you are required to wait in line for one. You are also required to eat an Indian Taco if you want to buy any of the artwork.
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3. Ask an artist where the Thomas Kinkade tent is located.
When you do, be ready to dodge punches and poison-tipped paint brushes.
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4. Pretend to enjoy any of the performance art on the Water Stage.
I hear there is going to be some stand-up comedy on the Water Stage Thursday evening at 6pm. Since it will be family friendly comedy, it will be awesome! Please don't throw the Indian Tacos at the performers.
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5. Bring a stroller.
Even if you don't have children, bring a stroller and push it around. They are great at clogging up the thoroughfare! Plus, you can use it to hit hippies in the ankles. It's hilarious.
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6. Start a hacky-sack circle by the Crystal Bridge.
What's that, you don't have a hacky-sack? Congratulations, that means you have a job!
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7. Point at the Devon Tower and scream like that ape-man from "2001"...then tell people you are joking around and that you knew it was there the entire time.
Actually, don't do this.
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8. Dress up like a Mormon and campaign for Mitt Romney.
OK, this one won't really help you fit in either, but it's funny to let people know that a vote for Romney means you will be the God of your own planet when you die!
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9. Be white and wear OU, OSU or Thunder apparel.
If you wear anything with Tulsa University on it, you won't be taken seriously.
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10. Act like you know a little something about art
Most people don't know a thing about art, but it's good to pretend that you do. Here's what you do if someone asks you to comment on something: "I enjoyed his/her earlier work. Yes, it was a little more raw than his/her current pieces, but the work now doesn't speak to me." It's that simple. You are now an art expert!
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You are now ready to enjoy the Festival of the Arts. Go out there and support the creative types. If you want to support this local creative type, click here or here!
