Skip to Content
Everything Else

Were they African or European Cliff Swallows?

7:00 PM EST on November 10, 2008

See that gross picture? Those are dead baby cliff swallows. 187 of them were murdered last June when Gregory Owen, the current frontrunner for the "Asshole of the Year" award, threw a tantrum at a Lake Hefner boat dock and destroyed about 30 cliff swallow nests. The reason he did this was because "he didn't like them (the birds) flying around" and was "afraid they were going to mess his boat up."

From NewsOK:

Owen was ordered to pay a $6,500 fine and perform 100 hours of community service in a plea deal.

Owen's money will go to the North American Wetlands Conservation Fund and his time will go to the Audubon Society or Friends of Lake Hefner.

Jane Cunningham, who represents both groups, said Owen likely will be planting trees, pulling weeds or cleaning up.

Owen lost docking privileges after his actions resulted in 187 baby birds' deaths, city officials said.

So let me get this straight. This guy murders 187 pretty baby birdies and his punishment is having money removed from his savings account, being forced to provide basic landscaping services and losing docking privileges for his sail boat???

Seriously, I don' t think the punishment fits the crime. Off the top of my head, I can think of better, more logical punishments, like:

"¢ Having two pounds of bird shit dumped on his car every day for 187 consecutive days

"¢ Being abandoned in Martin Park Nature Center and then hunted for sport by Aubrey McClendon, T. Boone Pickens and an assortment of other bored millionaires.

"¢ Forced to be Mike Turpin's personal masseuse

Okay. Maybe they are not so logical, but they are better punishments than what the judge ordered. Too bad he didn't get one of those "activist" judges sentencing him. That would have been cool.

Anyway, if you feel up to it, tell us what sentence you think the birdie murdered should have received. The winner will be emailed a picture of a flower.

Stay in touch

Sign up for our free newsletter