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Oklahoma Initiative Ideas: 40-31

10:03 AM EST on November 5, 2007

40. Require that a comb, new set of clothes and list of "tornado survival talking points" be included in every public and private tornado shelter, helping ensure that tornado victims will be properly prepared to deal with the media.

This would help solve the image problem that our state suffers from whenever a tornado plows through one of our towns or farms or trailer parks. It would also set us apart from Kansas.

39. Extend the entrance ramp from I-44 to Broadway Extension to something longer than 12 feet.

This idea may already be in the works, considering there has been construction along 1-35 and I-235 for the past 20 years. Hopefully"“and it's a big hopefully"“if they ever do redesign this interchange, they will extend the on/off ramp to something longer than 12 feet.

38. Increase the speed limit on N. Pennsylvania Ave. going through Nichols Hills.

This little stretch of snobby road was where I got my first speeding ticket. I was going 32 in 25. Ever since that day, I've hated the rich little area known as Nichols Hills. However, I will forgive the city for their stupid speed trap if they do the right thing and actually get rid of the speed trap, and increase the speed limit to at least 32.

37. Require that every person who runs for Senate must release their IQ test score.

Consider, for a second, who the two US Senators from Oklahoma are. After that, think what their IQ test scores may be. Once you think of the score, think if you would vote for either of them.

36. Allow martial law in Bricktown from midnight to 4 am on Friday and Saturday nights.

Granted, the people in this picture are not the ones who made us think that this idea would be beneficial. The drunk and stupid versions of these people at 1:30am that made us think it would be a good idea.

35. Station our own version of the "minute men" along the Red River"“but leave the Mexicans alone, target Texans.

We like illegal immigrants. Maybe it's because we choose to root for the underdog, or maybe it's because we like the fact that there are people out there who are willing to work the jobs that we don't want. Who knows. But the group of people who we don't generally like are Texans. Or to put it better, rich white men from Texas. Because hot chicks from Texas are cool.

34. Force Randy Terrill to own, operate and staff his own roofing or landscaping business.

Randy Terrill is the genius state rep who thought it would be a good idea to scare the hell out (and possibly run out) all of our illegal immigrants. Maybe his next step will be to ban the Catholic faith. Anyway, if he is successful in getting rid of our illegal immigrants, he should be forced to operate a business that primarily employs them.

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33. Move all Oklahoma City Blazers games to the State Fair Arena.

The OKC Blazers and the State Fair Grounds seem to be made for each other. Plus, a full State Fair Arena looks much better than a half empty Myriad Cox Center or Ford Center.

32. Impose a $50 flat tax on all couples who get professional photographs taken at the Myriad Gardens.

Hey, I'm all for imposing ridiculous taxes on people who do cheesy, sappy things. And having pictures taken inside or outside a big greenhouse is pretty cheesy and sappy.

31. Ban trains from crossing Oklahoma City during rush hour.

But for fun, make them block traffic in Edmond.

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