The other day, Clark, Tony and I were at The Lost Ogle headquarters debating what costumes we should wear for the Gazette's "Ghouls Gone Wild" Halloween parade. Clark wanted to be a baseball player. Tony wanted us to dress up like Devo. I thought a costume based upon people or things related to Oklahoma seemed like a good idea.
Check out ten of these ideas after the jump:
1. Brian Thomas, a.k.a. The Texas FanBrian Thomas is the poor guy who walked into the Henry Hudson's on NW Expressway wearing a University of Texas shirt. He's also the guy that left with a torn scrotum. To be Brian for Halloween is easy. Just read what his attorney said about the Hudson's incident:
"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said Thomas' attorney, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse."
Yuck. Anyway, wear a Texas Longhorns shirt and a pair of white shorts. Then take some red paint and smear it all over the front of them. Honestly, I have no clue how to conjure up a decent-looking fake testicle to hang from your shorts. And I'm not sure I really want to. If I was Brian for Halloween, that's one part of the costume I may actually skip.
2. Allen Michael Beckett, a.k.a. Mike Beckett, the OU Scrotal AssassinMike Beckett was the classy guy that "allegedly" thought it would be interesting to rip the scrotum off Brian Thomas. Since we discovered a picture of Mike and know that he went to Sterling College, this should be an easy costume to "pull off."
To be Mike, you have three easy choices. You can:
"¢ Wear an OU shirt and put fake blood all over your hands"¢ Wear a Sterling College sweatshirt and put fake blood all over your hands"¢ Wear an ugly flower shirt and put fake blood all over you hands
Also, I guess you can hold a fake testicle in you hand, but once again, that's part of the costume that I'll skip.
3. Amy McReeIf you have a well-endowed wife or girlfriend, simply have her put on a pink bikini. If your wife or girlfriend has hot friends, have them follow her around while dressed in their bikinis. At the end of the night, get them all drunk and have them make out. That way, you can say you kind of saw Amy McRee make out with another chick.
4. Gary EnglandPut on a long silver wig and wear a white silk robe. Wrap a belt made of gold rope around your waist and wear a thick golden necklace. Then grab a bible and walk around barefoot, commanding everyone you see to bow. If they refuse, threaten to cast fire, golf ball sized hail, vortexes and brimstone upon them. In addition, call everyone "Val."
5. Tall Paul Sometimes, people dress up as a cowboy for Halloween. That's pretty weak. But what these people don't know is that if you just dress up like a cowboy and also wear a super tall cowboy hat, that you can be Tall Paul from the old Paul Meade Insurance Commercials. Also, everyone will remember your phone number: 524.1541.
6. Kelvin SampsonWe know Kelvin left for Indiana, but he still has an Oklahoma presence. To be Kelvin, simply wear a button-up denim shirt, khaki pants and constantly call 17-year old kids from your cell phone. Also, send text messages that include the words "heart, hustle and hardwood."
7. The Lloyd Noble CenterThis is a pretty cool costume idea for a large group. You and a bunch of friends all dress in red. Then each person walks around with a (preferably red) folding chair. While in costume, the chairs must remain empty (unless you meet somebody from Kansas or Stillwater).
8. Borat or Dino Lalli:As you probably know, Borat once pulled a prank on the Oklahoma City Transportation Committee, so you can dress like Borat and still have a costume related to Oklahoma. However, if Borat is too mainstream for you, just tell people that you're Dino Lalli. Then tell them about your favorite movie.
9. Mike Gundy and Jenni CarlsonThis is a good couples costume idea. The guy just wears an orange OSU shirt, khakis, OSU visor and fixes up his hair extra spiky. Then he just walks around with a Daily Oklahoman and yells at people.
The girl who is dressing up as Jenni has a couple of costume options:
Option A: Wear jeans and a 2002 Saliva World Tour t-shirt. Carry around a pocket sized notebook and put a pencil behind her ear.
Option B: Wear a fluffy white bridesmaid dress and walk around drinking a bottle of Budweiser and a bottle of tequila.
10. Brian Bates, a.k.a The Video VigilanteThe Video Vigilante likes to film prostitutes in action along S. Robinson and then play it off like he's doing the public a service. Anyway, to be the Video Vigilante you need to get a camcorder, put on some old Levi's 501s that your mom bought from Anthony's, and wear a tucked in button-up stripped shirt with white tennis shoes and a braided brown leather belt. If you are at party, be sure to film people committing lewd acts. Possibly even pay them to do so. Afterwards, pass out propaganda smearing Wes Lane.
Bonus Selection! The Lost Ogles...We all think it would be pretty cool if people dressed up like us for Halloween. To do that, simply wear normal clothes and make fun of everybody else's costumes. It doesn't get much easier than that!
Anyway, I hope you like my ideas, because Clark Matthews and Tony sure didn't. That's why on Saturday, October 27, look for three guys at the "Ghouls Gone Wild" Halloween parade dressed in black, carrying baseball bats and wearing red plastic flowerpots as hats. Hopefully, we'll see you there dressed in one of the costumes above. And of course, if you have some better ideas, tell the world about them in the comments.
