Last January, State Speaker Lance Cargill created some weird thing called the Oklahoma 100 Ideas Initiative. Here's how it was described:
The 100 Ideas initiative will change the way business is done at the State Capitol. Instead of legislation originating from lobbyists, special interests and government employees, this initiative seeks ideas from the private sector and from citizens across the great state of Oklahoma. Once the initiative is complete, the top 100 ideas will be published in a book and presented to the Oklahoma State Legislature.
Since we are citizens from the "great state of Oklahoma," we decide to contribute our own 100 ideas for the initiative. But since we're pretty sure that Speaker Cargill and his friends won't put any of them in his book, we figured it would be better to share them here over the next few weeks. After the jump are ideas 100-91.
P.S.- Please note that unlike our Top 100 Oklahoma Embarrassments, our 100 contributions are not "ranked" in any way. And if you have any ideas that you would like to see on our list, send us an email. We may include it!
100. Cancel Craig Humphrey's USA Today Subscription.
Craig Humphreys is a sports radio host because he is rich. With his family's money, he was able to create his own sports radio station and buy a subscription to USA Today. This has brought torture to the ears of the average Oklahoma City sports fan, as they are frequently bombarded with detailed scores from every major golf tournament and quotes from Jon Saraceno columns. One way to stop this travesty is by canceling Craig's USA Today subscription. Doing so would not only give him nothing to talk about, but it may also get him off The Sports Animal, doing all Oklahomans a super-huge favor.
99. Combine Wayne and Payne into one town, P'Wayne.
I've never been to Wayne or Payne, and I'm sure they are fantastic towns. But wouldn't it be cool if they merged into some sort of super town? Not only would P'Wayne be a cool name, but its exit sign would give me something new to look for on my trips to and from Texas.
98. Give the Cowboy Hall of Fame to Tulsa.
Tulsa has always suffered from some weird inferiority complex towards Oklahoma City, especially when it comes to tourism type stuff. This is odd, because in many ways, Tulsa is a much better place to live. Anyway, Oklahoma City has plenty of Hall of Fames that nobody really cares about, so it would be a good gesture to give our most popular one to Tulsa, even if it is technically no longer a Hall of Fame, and just a heritage center or whatever.
97. To cut costs, lets just "forget about" those bridges.
Bridges seem to be expensive, and apparently they break and fall down easily. Maybe to save some cash, we can "forget" that they ever existed.
96. Allow liquor sales at the "Affair of Heart."
The Affair of the Heart is the place were your wife and mother-in-law buy the cheesy handmade crafts that they can't find at Hobby Lobby, like the little ceramic Mr. and Mrs. Pumpkin salt and pepper shakers you break out at Thanksgiving or the cow-shaped wood towel holder in your kitchen. Hopefully, if the Affair served liquor, drunk guys would got to event, and eventually your wife and mother-in-law would quit going. Then your kitchen would look normal.
95. Arrest and prosecute members of the Diffee family for violating child labor laws.
Is the Diffee family so cheap that they can't afford to hire a real pitchman? Or do they actually think we enjoy seeing their annoying children in all their commercials. Sadly, I think it's the latter.
94. Bring back the "Don't Lay That Trash on Oklahoma" commercials.
Sing the song real quick. OK. This commercial kicked ass. Maybe if they started playing it again not as many people would throw their Route 44 Diet Vanilla Cokes out on Hefner Parkway.
93. Make Jack and Ron and funny.
Or at least have someone tell them that they are not funny. Then maybe they'll quit their radio show and just focus on selling cars. Maybe even for the Diffees.
92. All Mexican restaurants must serve free queso.
Granted, the free queso served at places like Chelino's, San Marcos and Ted's isn't the best, but it is free, and free is good because it saves Oklahoman's money.
91. Develop a proper licensing program for all truck stop prostitutes.
For some reason, local leaders seem to be satisfied with Oklahoma City being the Truck Stop Capital of the United States. If we are going to embrace this designation, we need to satisfy the thousands of hard working truckers who pass through Oklahoma City each and every day. One way to start is to establish some sort of licensing program for all truck stop prostitutes. We could even go the extra mile and recruit the best prostitutes to work Oklahoma truck stops. This would result in more truckers staying in Oklahoma City, providing a boost to our local economy.
