I'm not sure why, but I really wish that Jenni Carlson would have wrote written this story:
An Oklahoma City man has been charged with aggravated assault and battery, accused of causing extensive damage to another man's scrotum just because he wore a University of Texas shirt into a local bar. Allen Michael Beckett, 53, has not been arrested on the felony charge, which was filed Monday in Oklahoma County District Court. It carries up to five years in prison if he is convicted. Beckett is accused of having launched a verbal attack on Brian Thomas when the other man walked into Henry Hudson's Pub at 3509 NW 58 on June 17, according to court documents.
What happened
Thomas said Beckett, whom he had never met, called him "everything under the sun" for wearing a Longhorns T-shirt into the bar. He said he and his friend sat at a table in the corner and tried to ignore the other man, but the other man "” who apparently is a University of Oklahoma fan "” kept screaming at him. Thomas said he decided he'd had enough after about 20 minutes of Beckett's abuse so he went to the bar to pay his tab. When he turned around, he said Beckett grabbed his crotch and refused to let go. Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn't let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg. Thomas, who grew up a Texas fan, said it took more than 60 stitches to close his wound.
Torn Scrotum...60-stitches...Blood! The only thing that could be creepier than this would have been if Beckett had performed the bad guy trick from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" and ripped Thomas' still beating heart from his chest while he was still alive.
Anyway, as an OU fan that thinks the over-the-top hatred of Texas is kind of silly, I apologize to you, Brian Thomas. May you and your scrotum heal properly.
UPDATE: It looks like DeadSpin picked up on this story. Let the stereotypes begin!
