The NCAA Invented A Time Machine

The above is not a picture of NCAA President Miles Brand. It is a picture of actress Halle Berry. I find that Ms. Berry is a much more attractive person to look at, so she will be the accompanying picture to this post.

In case you missed it, the NCAA announced the punishment for the University of Oklahoma football program today. This will give the local news stations something to lead their broadcasts with, as finally they have some real hard-hitting news to cover (over/under on the number of times "as we were the first to report..." is heard per station: 6.5).

OU will lose two scholarships for through the 2009 season, be forced to reduce by one the number of coaches who can recruit off campus, and receive a public reprimand. Also, they are forced to vacate the wins they had in all games Rhett Bomar and JD Quinn played in.

Yes, you heard that right. The NCAA has decided that the University of Oklahoma's football team was 0-4 in 2005. You think you remember the Sooners pulling out a victory in Lincoln? Or winning the Holiday Bowl against Oregon? False. You do not remember these things, and if you think you do, a representative from the NCAA will be by your house shortly to use one of those mind-erasing things they had in Men In Black.

So, basically OU escaped with virtually no real punishment (and that's fair, I'd opine). The two scholarships lost were already essentially lost with the departures of Bomar and Quinn, and the perceived most severe penalty -- the vacated '05 season -- has no practical impact on the program going forward.

In other reports released by the NCAA today, it was also announced that the New Orleans Hornets never played any games in Oklahoma City, the 1920 presidential election never too place, and the Twinkie was never invented.