Last Friday, KFOR posted a story on its Facebook page about how President Obama would be using the Lincoln Bible for today's unofficial inauguration ceremony. It's the same Lincoln Bible that Obama used during his first inauguration four years ago.
Here's a screenshot of their post:
So you may be asking yourself, "Why would an Oklahoma City news channel post something like this to its Facebook wall? What's the news value? Who cares?"
The answer to that is one word: Derplahomans.
You know who Derplahomans are. They're those ignorant people who think Obama is Muslim communist dictator, want prayer (and guns) allowed in public schools, and think gay people are the biggest threat to the country. They live around you, work around you, and vote for all the bat-shit crazies that run this state.
Anyway, when KFOR posted the Lincoln Bible story, they did so with one intention: to rally the Derplahomans and generate "conversation" on the station's Facebook page. And boy did it work. As of this writing, there were nearly 482 comments on the post. I'd say 70% were posted by Derplahomans who oppose the president, 15% by normal people who oppose the president, and 15% of people who support the president. I spent my Sunday afternoon highlighting the 25 best posts by the derps in that 70%. All of these posts are real, and I assume most were written by people from their Cricket wireless phone while waiting in line for cigarettes at Wal-Mart.
Anyway, let's start with the crazies who would like to see our president assassinated.
If you're going to suggest that a guy be assassinated, at least have the common courtesy to spell 'assassinated' correctly.
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Yeah, I guess the rule above also goes for people who "pray" for assassination. Which by the way, is such a positive, Christian thing to do.
These were the only two people who openly suggested - or prayed - that our president be shot and killed. Other people went the classy route and suggested he view a play at Ford's Theater instead:
To be fair, most Derplahomans didn't suggest or pray that our president be assassinated while taking an oath of office or watching a play. They just don't want a Kenyan putting his hand on the bible:
Or a Muslim...
Or a Kenyan Muslim...
Or a Communist Muslim...
I don't know, Brian. After looking at all the comments in the KFOR post, I think I'd rather support a Communist Muslim than a "God-fearing redneck." Of course, that's probably because I know how to read and have developed basic critical thinking skills like logic and reason. I can't say the same for rednecks. Actually, not all rednecks are stupid, but Derplahomans sure are.
On the topic of Obama being a communist, that seems to rub some people the wrong way:
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Oh yeah, well, I don't believe that a person who doesn't comprehend the fundamental rules of spelling, capitalization and punctuation should be allowed to freely express their thoughts on Facebook. I'm sure Lenin and Obama would feel the same way. I guess that makes me a communist too. At least I'm not like a socialist dictator like Obama and Hitler:
Fun fact. Obama only received 51.1% of the vote. Maybe that's why we still haven't invaded Poland.
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If Obama equaled "hitler," wouldn't he have grown an evil Hitler mustache by now?
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For fun, I googled Hitler bible and stumbled across this:
Elimination of the Jews in Nazi Germany was not confined to the Holocaust. It also took the form of rewriting the New Testament to ‘dejudaize’ it, i.e. to remove references to Judaism and to recast Jesus as an Aryan, generating what has been called the ‘Nazi Bible’.
Considering 69% of the Jewish vote went to Obama, I don't see that happening anytime soon.
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At least Tinker showed enough courtesy to call the president "Mr Obama." Also, I fully expect Janis and Tinker to have a booth selling shitty crafts at next year's "The Affair of the Heart."
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Geeze, I had no clue Obama has plans to commit mass genocide. Maybe Ray can get someone from the future to send in a Terminator and stop it before it happens?
Seriously, this Ray guy seems to know his stuff. I wonder if he knows the REAL history of the Civil War?
I guess I didn't know the WHOLE story. Screw you, Steven Spielberg! Also, something tells me Ray is a little too obsessed with machinery.
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Other than Mitt Romney, John McCain and the fragile minds of Republican derps, what has Obama destroyed?
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According to liberal history books and, uhm, everyone, the South seceded from the Union. It wasn't the other way around. Also, why do I get the feeling that Terry is the least intelligent of the three things pictured in his avatar?
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You do realize that skin color is the only similarity between Abraham Lincoln and current Republicans...right?
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Okay, if you're still reading this you just scrolled through 25 Derplahoman Facebook comments. But I couldn't resist posting a few others. Here they are:
I would try to explain this to Brian, but I don't have the time to create a coloring book about modern economics. I think it's the only thing on his reading level.
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What makes someone a bigger douche bag? Not knowing how to spell douche bag or thinking Bush was a great president?
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Holy America, check out that avatar! Jim Richmond looks like they type of guy who shits bald eagles and liberty torches. He probably sings the National Anthem at karaoke bars. I bet he masturbates to the 4th of July.
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Here's one final post. It got the most likes out of the nearly 500 comments. At least there's some hope.
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Anyway, if you have the time, energy and mental dexterity to read all 400+ posts, here's the link to KFOR's post. Please read it at your own risk. Also, beware of the Derps. They're going to be on edge today.
