You've all seen those self-help books sitting on the shelves at your local bookstore, written by some psychologist or pastor or MD or Jennifer Love-Hewitt BS-ing you about how to lose weight or find love or build your self-esteem. This is, uh, this is not going to be about any of them.
Aaron Goldfarb is the lovely fellow in that picture above, an Oklahoma City native who moved to New York City to... well, I'm not really sure why he moved to New York City, but he did and he wrote a book. Which is how we have arrived at this point. It's called "How to Fail: The Self Hurt Guide," and it's exactly that. It's also extremely funny and crass, which is why readers of this blog will probably like it.
A brief interview with the author after the jump.
There is no chapter in this book called "How to fail at blogging." Do you have any advice on that front?
Write interesting long-form posts. We're in an era of ADD laziness. No one wants to read your well-thought-out 5000 word piece on Egyptian politics. Funny viral videos of children vomiting, cat pictures with captions over top of them, and quoting humorous crap your fuss-bucket father said...that's a recipe for blogging success. Celebrity nip slips work too.
Recently, Angie Mock was scandalously overlooked in The Lost Ogle's hottest woman in the media rankings. Also recently, you were interviewed by Angie Mock. Now she is leaving Channel 25 to go to St. Louis! Which of these things is more to blame?
What a Mock-ery, right? However, having sat mere inches from her, I can tell you she's a fine looking woman, but not "hot" per se. More so just a gigantic noggin covered in pancake makeup. You were right to not include her. And, I was right for not being an offended when she speculated on air that I had booze in my coffee cup. I did.
Obviously, the first thing I flipped to in the book was the part called "How To Masturbate At Work." First of all, this is all great advice! Second of all, you said that when in a bathroom masturbating you like to adopt a "wide stance." Are you aware of what happened the last time someone made this claim and does it concern you?
That was totally a Freudian Slip. And, in that bathroom in Minneapolis, I was simply admiring Senator Craig's wingtips.
You went to Putnam North, also the alma mater of Olivia Munn. Her new show's reviews aren't that good. Were you the one that advised her on this career choice?
I'm not allowed to talk to her. Per my lawyer's advice. And, several judges orders. But, I do hope her show flops because I really want to become PCN's most famous alum. I have no clue how I'll jump Sam Bradford. I'm kinda hoping he'll commit a double homicide in Brentwood well after his career is over as Heisman winners are apt to do.
Your book has sold really well! Are you happy about that or sad that it will not allow you to write the follow-up, "How to Fail to Write a Successful Book?
I am writing a follow-up: "Failing to Fail" which tells all the sordid details behind the publishing of my book and the 30 Bars in 30 Days book tour I went on. Having said that, simply writing a book means you've failed to write a successful book. No one reads books any more. I'd be better off just blogging about celebrity nip slips.
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So there you go! Click on the book cover to buy the book. It's good! But don't let your mom find it in your room... She won't approve.
Shaping the Minds is a bi-weekly whenever-the-hell-I-get-around-to-it column featuring local people doing fun, creative, unusual, and/or interesting things in Oklahoma City. If you are a writer/blogger/festival/comedian/organizer/musician/independent journalist/podcaster/charity/whatever doing something that makes this a better place to live and want to be featured here, email me at tonyhanadarko at gmail dot com, or tweet me up at @tonyhanadarko.
