The 4th of July is coming up and what better way to celebrate than in the E.R. consoling a 4-year-old who’s hand has just been blown apart by a fistful of Randy Dandies, as my trashy neighbors did last year. That's what America is all about.
Yes, explosives from the tiniest snapper to the biggest bomber capture the patriotic awe and jingoistic shock as we recreate the American bid for independence from Europe by lighting up Chinese-made firecrackers and going to town in a spectacular recreation of the battles fought therein. Happy birthday, United States! (It’s our birthday, right?)
TLO editor Patrick thought that it would be fun to send me to the edge of town and smuggle back in some of the top of the line, totes primo explosives, maybe even scoring some of the classics like Tijuana Toilet Cleaners, Flaming Dragon Biscuits, or everyone’s favorite, the Beverley Hills Chihuahua. With a strict budget of $20, that was more than enough, right?
Nope.