Oklahoma Lawmaker Quotes to Inspire your 2018

Happy 2018, all you TLO fanatics! Hopefully your 2017 wasn’t too big of a figurative dumpster fire. And if it was, I am sure you drank enough to forget at least the last 6 hours of the year. The good news is, if you started the year drunk off your ass, you can only go up from there. With all of this millennial “new year, new me” crap trending on twitter over the last 4 days, it appears everyone is looking for inspiration to make this year great. What better way to find that inspiration than through motivational quotes from our esteemed lawmakers!

Now, the following quotes are taken completely out of context and probably make absolutely no sense to the common reader. Thank God you have me to interpret them in a way that will inspire your 2018. So here are some Oklahoma lawmaker quotes to live your life by in 2018.

“I’m just trying to have a good time.” Former Senator Ralph Shortey

Joe Exotic seriously injured in car accident!

Oklahoma gubernatorial candidate Joe Exotic was seriously injured in a car accident late last night.

Naturally, news of the accident was first released on Joe’s Facebook page by a person (or tiger) named RINK:

According to NewsOK.com, details of the accident haven’t been released. Whatever the cause, I’m sure Joe will find a way to blame PETA.

Here’s a photo of Joe in the hospital that was shared by his new husband Dillon a few hours ago. Joe looks pretty beaten up:

Mike Morgan has unblocked us on Twitter…

In yesterday’s news recap, we noted that Mike Morgan got all salty and blocked us on Twitter because we made fun of his long term Christmas weather forecast.

We first called on Emily Sutton to use some trademarked charm and help get us unblocked, but she was dealing with her own Twitter issues with David Payne. We then turned to Mike’s better-half for some help:

Our only other choice is Marla Morgan. Maybe she can send us some photographs to convince Mike to change his mind??? I need to know which potential Oklahoma weather systems are forming in Sea of Japan!

Well, I have some good news. Marla Morgan emailed us again! Check this out:

4 Oklahoma traditions for surviving freezing temperatures

It may have taken several more months than it should have, but we’ve finally arrived at that point of winter where everyone is angry that seasons exist. It should have been cold before Halloween, and all you heathens enjoyed patio weather all through December. All of a sudden, you find yourself siding with Jim Inhofe and disbelieving climate change because we’ve had like two weeks of actual winter weather.

Lately, each winter has gotten more mild than the last, aside from the sporadic bursts of intense ice storms or whatever. That’s made it more difficult to cope with the changes- when it goes from 65 degrees one week to 20 the next, the abruptness makes the climate so uncomfortable. Luckily, The Lost Ogle is here to provide some gentle suggestion to help keep you warm through this brutal cold snap:

TLO Restaurant Review: Tamales El Patio

As the eternal birth canal of la Madre del Tiempo opens and the fresh life that is Baby New Year slides forth, covered in amniotic confetti and crying tears of “Auld lang syne!” to whomever is within champagne earshot, we as a collective people will coo over said infant and pinch its rosy cheeks while whispering a silent prayer for a safe, healthy and prosperous next 365 days, hoping they will be far better than the last few were.

To double-down on this need for a sense of temporal betterment, many of us will take part in various edible superstitions that are meant to instill, if only for the next few hours or so, the undying belief that the universe’s Etch-a-Sketch has been shook and the future is currently unwritten, if only thanks to a full tummy of blessed foods.

In Germany, for example, marzipan Glücksschwein—good-luck pigs—may be eaten, while in the far East, when them midnight bells chime, the Japanese will down a massive bowl of toshikoshi soba noodles to welcome in the New Year. And, living in America, who among us hasn’t stomached a steaming crock-pot of black-eye peas right after giving a loved one a kiss as the ball dropped on Times Square?

Within my Mexican-American family, however, it was all about tamales and it was always a very big deal.

Fresh from (more than likely) some sort of Catholic mass and running on little to no sleep, my abuela and all my tias, as well as other assorted older women who I’m somehow related to but have only ever met in passing, would meet up about 4 a.m. and spend hours putting what had to be thousands of these masa-based miracles together so when we’d wake up for breakfast, they’d be there waiting in a steaming embarrassment of pork-filled riches next to a freshly-made cup of that Mexican hot chocolate with the creepy old lady on the box.

Of course they would also be our lunch, our snack, our dinner, our dessert and, as the clock rolled over come twelve midnight, our ultimate sacrifice to both the past and present, a carpet-staining orgy of corn husks and red grease that rivaled any debaucherous celebration concurrently being held by the Illuminati down in the bowels of the Vatican, only with a far better soundtrack, sin mentiras.