Monday Morning Tweets

Howdy, pardners! Hopefully, most of you got to enjoy that lazy rainy Saturday. It’s hard to be productive when it’s pouring buckets all day. That’s why I just drank beer, played board games, and enjoyed some of the finest fruits of Colorado with my closest friends. It was a welcome respite from the horrors of our country over the last week. Anyways, speaking of relaxing, our first tweet involves someone who should take a CBD chill pill…

Supreme Court reminds us Oklahoma lawmakers are idiots…

It’s a great day to be a smoker in Oklahoma.

Yesterday morning, The Oklahoma Supreme Court surprised absolutely no one (with a brain) by ruling the well-intentioned but unconstitutional cigarette fee increase passed during the last legislative session was, indeed, unconstitutional.

Here are the details via Double-D Denwalt with NewsOK.com:

The Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled Thursday that a $1.50 cigarette fee scheduled to go into effect this month is an unconstitutional tax, setting the stage for another fight over spending at the state Capitol.

The decision strips $215 million from the state budget, specifically from agencies that provide health services. Gov. Mary Fallin said she thinks a special legislative session is inevitable, and several lawmakers have called for another mid-year gathering to fill the new shortfall.

“These agencies and the people they serve cannot sustain the kind of cuts that will occur if we do not find a solution,” Fallin said. “My belief is we will have to come into special session to address this issue.”

Yep, stock Junior’s with extra whiskey, cue the karaoke machine at Nancy’s Lighthouse, and wake up the teenage male prostitutes, and it looks like we’re having a rare special session of the Oklahoma legislature! I can’t wait. It will be interesting to see what type of tough, kick the can down the road, sacrifice the well-being of Oklahoma citizens to protect the profits of the energy industry legislation our incompetent lawmakers come up with this time around.

The Supreme Court’s decision triggered a barrage of “this doesn’t surprise me” statements and press releases from Oklahoma gubernatorial candidates. Mayor Mick even used the ruling as an opportunity to brag about being in Guymon.

GOP lawmakers, on the other hand, were relatively quiet. Josh Cockroft, the caped-crusading, anti-arts plagiarist, did release this statement while visiting Tallahassee, Florida:

Friday Night In The Big Town

I’ve been forced to take personal time off from work all week so I can track Maggie Carlo’s return to KOCO 5. She’s bringing her Chicago eyeshadow to Oklahoma y’all. And apparently, judging by the around the clock coverage, KOCO and Maggie Carlo think we give a darn. My only hope is that next to return to the Oklahoma City airwaves is Wendell Edwards. No one covers an ice storm standing on I-35 in front of the Outback Steakhouse in Norman like Wendell.

Before we all head to the bathroom to girl-talk about if we think Maggie has had some work done or is simply wearing too much makeup, here’s your Friday Night In the Big Town.

Farewell, weird Bricktown cotton oil mill thing…

I always remember being in the backseat of my parents car as a child driving past downtown. There was no movie theater, and Spaghetti Warehouse was about the only restaurant. Really, there wasn’t much to look at except for some of the then-crumbling brick buildings. What was always fascinating, though, was the old Producers Cooperative Cotton Mill. I honestly never knew what the building was for- or what it was called, for that matter, until this week. For some reason, I assumed it had something to do with processing concrete, which goes to show how much I know about industrial manufacturing.

So, we’d drive past the building in my dad’s beat-up maroon Jeep Cherokee, heading westward from Midwest City, and these giant metal pyramid structures would rise from the horizon. There was a series of them, stories tall, surrounded by ramshackle outer buildings. I was obsessed with ancient Egypt back then, so it reminded me of the Giza pyramid complex, and I would fantasize about what happened inside those buildings on our bumpy travels down Reno or I-40.

And yeah, for whatever reason, I always just figured that the building had something to do with processing rocks or gravel or concrete or something along those lines. Apparently, it was a massive cotton mill. Do we have a huge cotton industry in Oklahoma? I guess it would make sense, but I never thought about it. Nowhere in the Rodgers and Hammerstein song do they mention waving field of cotton, so it never crossed my mind.

Last week, the Batman of Old Buildings, Steve Lackmeyer, broke the news about the future of that site:

Metro YMCA’s to get rid of all steam rooms and saunas…

We have some bad news for deviants who like to perform sex acts in steamy, public places.

Earlier this week, the Oklahoma City YMCA announced they will be closing steam rooms and saunas at all Metro locations. Meg Wingerter, The Oklahoman’s new steam room correspondent, has all the details:

Oklahoma City — YMCA locations in the Oklahoma City area will close their saunas and steam rooms in a little over a week, after a committee decided they could pose a health risk.

Rachel Klein, vice president of communications for the YMCA of Greater Oklahoma City, said the risk management and property committees determined the steam rooms and saunas had some health risks. There was no specific incident of someone being harmed while using them, she said.

One of the concerns was that users could spread skin infections, Klein said.

“It is very difficult to keep those rooms clean and sanitary,” she said.

Yeah, that’s right. The steam rooms and saunas are being closed because they “could pose a health risk.” Uh huh. Suuuuure. In other news, I have some prime real estate near 10th and Rockwell that I’d like to sell the YMCA for their next location.

Actually, there could be some truth to the YMCA’s statement. Based on some classic OKC Craigslist missed connections we’ve published over the years, closing the saunas and steam rooms will probably help slow the spread of STDs throughout the state.

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