2017 Year in Review: January

I’ve been dreading this moment for weeks, so I’ve put it off until Christmas Day. Yes, it is time for the 2017 Year in Review posts, which I am typing up at my girlfriend’s family’s house in Claremore. I haven’t been dreading it because I dislike writing them. It’s because the news this year was so horrific and stressful and I’m already suffering from PTSD.

January 20th, 2017 saw the inauguration of President Donald J. Trump. This was the moment we crossed over into to the other side of the mirror, and every day has brought new horror stories of disastrous legislation, collapsing race relations, and international treason. The news cycle is so increasingly stressful and dramatic that there are stories that I swear took place in May that actually happened only a month or two ago.

Because of this, I’m gonna try really hard to never mention that shitstain’s name again in the rest of these reviews. His name dominated the headlines so much, which is exactly what he wanted. For now, let’s get into the hot Ogle stories for January:

5. Buzzfeed outs Oklahoma teacher for posting crazy Facebook posts…

The Year Louis Fowler Stole Christmas (And Got Away With It)

Every year, I don’t dream of a white Christmas as much as I dream of any Christmas. White, black, whatever…any kind of Christmas would do just fine.

Even though I’ve come close a few times, it seems as though celebrating a “traditional” Christmas just isn’t in the greeting cards for me and, as I quickly approach death, probably never will be. There’s no opening presents, sitting down to a holiday dinner or, perhaps most damning, being surrounded by people who love you, even if it’s just on that one specific day.

Everybody’s got their own thing and there’s no room at the inn for me to be part of it.

This has been the mostly maudlin Dickensian story of my miserable holiday special of a life, from growing up poor and listening to the kids talk about the cool new toys they unwrapped that blessed morning to, almost four decades later, hearing my social circle discuss all of the festive plans they have going on over the next few days of mirth and merriment.

Meanwhile, I’m at home huddled over a spark-sputtering space heater, noshing on cold ranch-style beans out of the can, re-bingeing episodes of This is Us and deciding how many muscle relaxers at one too many and even if it is too many, who would care anyway. Oh, and have you heard the new Morrissey album yet? I have. Many times.

Harp music plays overhead and a snow-flurry wipes the scene clean.

Friday Night in Big Town: Snowtubing and Christmas Movies

The shopping should be complete and the family members are starting to arrive. Time to figure out what the hell you’re going to do with all of those people you only see during the holidays. Go to your nearest liquor store and stock up. That should make everything else a little bit easier. Besides, everyone likes that drunk aunt or uncle right? If you need to get everyone out of the house, here are a few options.

Five Christmas Dinner Conversation Starters (Courtesy of Pops)

Many people like to bring a sixer of cold specialty brews to holiday dinners and festive get-togethers, passing them around and getting their liquid courage on, a dinner table must when it comes to around-the-table conversations these divisive days. Meanwhile, the teetotalers are often left high and dry, forced to drink water or coffee or God forbid, that two-liter of warm, flat Diet Coke that’s been in the pantry since Thanksgiving.

That’s where I typically come in, bringing a fully-loaded six-pack of frosty sodas, typically of the easier to find Mexican variety but, with the installation of a Pops somewhat down the street, I was able to pick up six-packs for both sides of the border. Especially for you, the TLO reader, here’s six different sodas that can spur on six lively topics of conversation and debate where you’re in charge of the narrative and the refreshments for once, hoss.

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“Mom, dad…meet my non-white boyfriend…”